Cross dressing is not a crime

This post on Dlisted about the cross-dressing Harry Winston robbers in Paris made me think back on the shoplifter profiling we did back at Barneys. Seriously, without fail, our biggest thieves were always trannies. They were definitely the most easy to spot. These delicate amazons in their size 12 pumps would always try to squeeze in the smallest dresses possible. Proving that no lady, penis or not, wants to admit she's a size large. Some of the tranny thieves were quiet and shady, roaming floor to floor with a male accomplice, pretending they were trophy girlfriends. Others would make a lot of noise, trying on item after item in the dressing room asking for multiple sizes trying to confuse the sales girls. They always wanted to be helped by women, the retail gays were always the first ones to catch on. They knew about their trifling ways.

When I first started working at The Good The Bad and The Ugly, the manager Sarah told me about the trannies that would steal from the store. We couldn't hang silk dresses on the fixture closest to the door because they'd lost so many dresses in the past to trannies popping in and snatching them hanger and all and then making a break for it.

...whoa

Okay so halfway through this post I walked out into my living room and found 6 people sitting around a bong.

Now all I can fixate on is this from my recent trip home:



I'll do a full Omaha mall report when I'm no longer stoned.

As far as the thieving trannies...they'll just have to wait.