This voice could sell me anything

Fred Vanore Gilbert Gottfried Shoedini Blue Moon Studios
Uploaded by BlueMoonStudios1. - Classic TV and last night's shows, online.

God bless you Gilbert, it's like a rainbow in my ears.

Void Vision at Wierd!

I did an interview with these kids that was excerpted on the Vice Blog, check it out!

I also took a bunch of pics from that night, enjoy!

Gee thanks Ebay, now I'm drowning in a repetitive sea of bullshit!

All I wanted to do was sell a fucking vintage Chanel skirt! Thanks for going after the little guy instead of the Hong Kong dicks that actually sell fake goods on Ebay. I'm pissed as all get out.

Also, isn't this the longest most repetitive email you've ever read? It took all my strength not to reply with "Eat a dick."

Dear Beverly,

Thank you for writing eBay in regard to the listing restriction you are
experiencing. I can certainly understand your concerns about having
certain selling restrictions on your eBay account. However, having
reviewed your account thoroughly, I have come to the conclusion that the
restrictions were properly placed and will remain active. Please
understand the restrictions placed on your account are not accusations
of you personally nor do they affect your standing as a valued eBay
customer. The restrictions are proactive means of assisting eBay to
reduce fraud and negative buying experiences on the site. This selling
limit is not a disciplinary action; it is a default account state.
Every seller on eBay has been faced with this restriction at some point
or another as their account has grown. Eventually the seller can request
to have their account reviewed and cleared to sell these items in larger
quantities.

In order to maintain a safe and positive trading environment, all eBay
accounts have standard protective limits that pertain to certain items.
These limits impact the number of certain types of items you may list or
revise in a rolling 30-day period.

Once you have reached your limit, the system will notify you and you
will need to wait a minimum of 30 days before attempting to list or
revise these types of items.

This restriction was not directed specifically to your account and is
not due to any action, listing, violation, feedback, etc., of your own.
It also does not affect your account status in any way; it only affects
your listing ability for certain items. The restriction is part of a
site-wide initiative that we've implemented; all sellers that sell
certain types of items on our site have experienced this restriction at
one time or another.

eBay is committed to reducing fraud and negative buying experiences on
the site; this includes preventing the sale of counterfeits and other
unlawful goods on our platform. The sale of counterfeits on eBay
violates our business ethics, undermines the eBay Community's
confidence, and harms our buyers, legitimate sellers, and eBay.

The placement of these restrictions is just one of the ways that eBay is
attempting to fight counterfeits on the site. These restrictions affect
certain types or categories of goods, such as clothing, shoes, jewelry,
or watches, that eBay understands from rights owners as typically being
targeted by counterfeiters.

Again, this restriction only affects certain types of items, ones that
typically have been targeted by counterfeiters. You should still be able
to list and/or revise other items without experiencing these
restrictions.

Please understand that we're not questioning the authenticity of your
items. Once you have reached your limit, you will not be able to list or
revise any more of these types of items, regardless of the item's
authenticity.

We are not able to be more specific at this time about the precise
application of these restrictions; the restrictions impact a wide
variety of items and the affected items are likely to change over time.
The limits are also variable in nature and will be different depending
on the situation and on the types of items being listed.

These restrictions are a proactive means to reduce fraud and negative
buying experiences on the site; they will help increase buyer trust,
resulting in greater loyalty and purchasing activity for legitimate
sellers. We know that initiatives to combat fraud may cause
inconveniences for legitimate sellers, but these initiatives will also
benefit sellers with an increase in buyer demand for legitimate goods.

We want our sellers to build an established history of selling, both in
general and in these types of items, before we remove these restrictions
from their account. When sellers have sufficiently established a
positive history of selling along with a good history of policy
compliance, they may request to have these restrictions removed.
Basically, we want our sellers to establish a positive selling record on
our site before selling these types of items in larger quantities.

This is a standard protective limit that is on all eBay accounts to
begin with for certain types of items. This restriction limits the
number of certain items that can be listed in a 30 day period. Please
keep in mind that the majority of items permissible on eBay are not
subject to this limit and can be listed without restrictions.

After a careful review of your account and history with us, we have
determined that this restriction will remain on your account.

Criteria used in our investigation include, but are not limited to, the
following factors:
-- Selling history (minimum three months) and activity as a seller on
the site
****-- Selling history for these types of items (Need more selling
history for these types of items)
****-- Positive selling feedback (Need more selling feedback)
-- Any feedback questioning the authenticity of your items
-- No unresolved disputes with buyers
-- Compliance with eBay policies
-- Account in good standing
-- PayPal verified
-- DSR for Item as Described

I put stars in front of the specific criteria that applies to you. Not
only is this part of the initial reason your account was restricted, but
it's what you will need to pay attention to and work on for now to have
these limits raised in the future.

These are just some of the things we look for when making the decision
to remove your limits or not. They don't all apply to you. Some other
things we look for include your violation history as well as any blocks
on your account.

Even though the limits on your account remain active, you can still
build a positive selling history by listing other items. You can
list/relist/revise similar items 30 days after receiving the first
message. You received the block on 12/16/09, so you should be able to
list again on 01/15/10.

I would definitely recommend you sell other items until your limits can
be raised. This will help you build up your selling feedback and will
potentially decrease your chances of getting these blocks on your
account. Once you build up more of an established selling history, you
will not receive those blocks.

I do understand how frustrating it is to have the restriction on your
account. The best thing you can do right now is continue working within
these limits, list the items you can, and continue building a positive
selling history and policy compliance history. I would also suggest
contacting us again after several months have passed to review your
account again. At that point we could potentially raise your limits.

If you have any further questions regarding your selling limits, please
click on the link below for more information.

http://pages.ebay.com/sell/selling-restrictions.html

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Aunika


eBay Customer Support
_____________________________________________

(6757770)



Original Message Follows:
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Form Message: %42223% 061001
D_ID010620101345D_ID/W_ID189147377W_ID/S_ID000S_ID
Subject: IV%X10151 Question About Listing [#US 100770T ?01 ]

User Feedback: 85
User State: ?01


Browser info: Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 6.0; en-US;
rv:1.9.1.6) Gecko/20091201 Firefox/3.5.6 (.NET CLR 3.5.30729)

Topics > Question About Listing

Message: I have a restriction on my account. I believe it is because I
occasionally sell designer items in addition to vintage. There have
been no questions as to the authenticity of any items I sell and I run a
very well respected store-front in New York City. I would very much
like to continue selling on Ebay and this restriction hampers my ability
to do so. My business depends on the ability to sell items online as
well as in my retail storefront.

Please review my restriction as I would like to have it lifted as soon
as possible. I have all positive feedback and don't appreciated being
restricted when having done nothing but follow the rules.

Thank you.

A few things

First off, don't the guys arrested in Pakistan on a terror plot look like a boy band? Ramy Zamzam...I mean what a name!



If only I knew Photoshop a little better I could turn this into serious gold.

Second, Bobby Liebling's wife has a blog called Halcoholic. It's weirdly fascinating to look at candids of him now. Plus his jewelry collection is insane and I sort of want to hate her just for getting that sweet ram's head pendant with ruby eyes...what?!?!?!

Third, I have been back on the flute playing with Skin Drink! I'll keep you guys posted. I missed performing so much and even though I'm just some background support it's gotten me pretty motivated to do more. Between the business, the writing, and potential banding I'm a pretty busy babe, which is good.

Fourth, I joined a fucking gym for the first time in my entire life. I haven't worked out in ages aside from my former life as a regular bike rider. My pants don't fit, something's gotta give and I don't want that something to be a zipper.

Fifth, more embarassing than the gym is that I created a Twitter for the store and now just use it to blab all day long. Follow me if you want, but don't say I didn't warn you: Foxnfawn

Sixth, yeah I know this was a very unsubstantial post. Sorry, I've got a sweater to mend.

The greatest thought train

So my friend Don Stahl posted something about pudding on Twitter. It made me think of Barry and Levon on the state and them having a bunch of pudding in the trunk of their car. Alas, all I could find was the $240 worth of pudding sketch when I looked up "Barry and Levon state pudding" on Youtube. So I expanded my search to just "Barry and Levon" and...fuck...the greatest thing ever happened:



I haven't seen this movie. Nor have I heard of it. But trust me, I'm adding it to my Netflix queue (sorry, Frankenhood, but you've been bumped down to #2) and Barry Bostwick and I are gonna have some serious hang time via the tv real soon.

*EDIT: Fuck!!! This movie isn't available on Netflix?!?!?! Do I really buy a VHS copy from Amazon? Do I really? I think I need to see this*

ESL selling points

"an ingenious herd of charcoal fire"

I did a reading of this menu, complete with "soute spinach" and "mashroom salad" to an amused crowd of San Franciso-based house guests. Sean and I share a theory that lost in translation menus tend to have better and more authentic ethnic foods. When I ventured to actually eat at the newly opened Kestane Kebab on Nassau Ave in Greenpoint I was sorely disappointed to find that not only had they edited and reprinted their menus to take out the strange wording and misspellings, but the food was fucking terrible. Oh well.

Hidden ASSets (yeah, it's that kind of pun)

I learned something during the two and a half years I worked as a shop girl at Barneys New York, fashion trends are dictated by the bodies and neurosises of middle-aged white woman. Everything on the sales floor was designed to hide a bulging belly and a flat ass and compliment the legs and occasionally the bust. There are two body types that seem to pervail among that consumer set, one is that peskily annoying kind called "perfect" gained from daily gym routines and some expensive surgical sculpting and the other is the "apple". Apples gain weight in their stomach and chest yet always manage to have a pair of gorgeous legs. It's a bewildering genetic mishap, but it seems to be the norm in a lot of white ladies and guess what, most of the super rich ladies in New York are white ladies (well that or Jews, and lord I wish the Jewish conspiracy was real because I would take my piece of that pie in a minute.)

My job at Barneys was essentially making these women feel good about themselves. Complimenting their bodies and catering to their insecuritie. Often this was done at the expense of my own pride. Nothing beats having a woman ask you what your pant size is. If you tell them a 28 then they invariably answer that they must be a 27 then. They want to be skinnier than you, prettier than you, more stylish that you. Richer than you isn't enough, it's a competition and since they are paying your bills via commission, you have to let them win.

So what do you do? You pull things from the rack and tell them how much you wish you could have them. Accent their privileges. Tell them they are crazy if they say anything negative about their portly mid-section and in the case of the "perfects" you don't bad an eyelash when they "accidentally" open the fitting room door with no shirt or bra on top. I've seen more pairs of fake tits working in retail than your average porn addict. My favorite kind of breast implants are the ones on older ladies, I love a 53-year-old with the tits of a 22-year-old. Also, these women tend to wear lace or other types of see-through thongs so you have to be prepared to catch glimpses of snatch, hairless or not.

One thing almost of all these women had in common was a severe case of ass-anxiety. If they had any roundness in backside they would lament it's hugeosity. If it was tiny and flat like most of the asses than came through the Barneys sales floor they would flock to the ugliest and most embellished of jeans. Being exposed to such extreme tactical body-consciousness made me look at the way everyone dresses differently. Suddenly I saw everything in terms of smoke and mirrors, a plan for attact. The body an assemblage of shapes and sections trying to reach an idealized whole, and the ass just gets left out of the equation. I won't go into the psychology of white ladies and their butts, but it's deep and weird. While I feel this anguished game of body camoflauge is acceptable in the elder New York rank and file, it really upsets me when I see the younger, much more stylish generation hiding their behinds and embracing styles that negate them entirely.

Long blazers, harem pants, drop-crotch, tulip skirts, draped wraps and cardigans, these styles line the racks of New York cool style-hegemonist boutiques. They are an all-out assault on the visibility of a woman's ass. Recently I was at an art opening, the crowd was full of fashionable ladies with nary a curve of rump in site. Maybe it's a backlash from the booty-licious high-waist trend, maybe it's flat-assed white girls hiding what they lack, embracing a trend much like their elders embraced the trapeze dress that's all about hiding. Not that flowy is the only order, there were plenty of skin-tight bandage dresses at that opening, but all of them were paired with loose-fitting long blazers that completely covered the wearers butt.

Fashion 101 teaches us girls that you are supposed to choose legs or tits, when dressing in a revealing manner, but what about the ass? The A has been left out of the precious equation of T and A. Then again, tits have been embattled for about a decade now, a bony sternum seen as infinitely more desirable in too many young girl's eyes than a lucious pair of melons. With most of the low-cut draped tops being bra-suicide, those of us with tits have had to sit back and let certain styles pass us by, but now, seriously, what the fuck do they want me to wear?

Not that skin isn't in. The mid-riff is back, cut-outs are all the rage, and the dueling throw-back Kellys (Bundy and Kapowski) are all the word amongst the collegiate fashion blog set. The ribcage has made a serious comeback as well, but while I don't know any dude who doesn't appreciate a well-placed flash of skin, it seems like the math is all wrong. Maybe I'm just a simpleton. I come from the meat and potatoes sexuality of the midwest where the best is in the basics. I don't' particularly see the difference between a young girl wearing an oversize blazer over her ass and an older woman hiding in a tunic and leggings. Nothing is intrinsically wrong with either look, but good lord, when you are in your 20s why hide that sweet sweet behind?

Take this girl for example. I get the genius weirdness of these extreme drop-crotch Commes Des Garcons pants, but I wonder what she looks like from behind. I'm sure she has a lithe lovely body and she just looks like a rectangle. Sure, it's not always about sex, but squarepants are for cartoons, not for a lady. Then again, maybe I'm just on the pervy side and want to be able to imagine what attractive people look like without their clothes.


Probably something like this. Seriously, is this the standard? Does Oak really want to sell me these pants by representing the fact that they make an ass invisible? Is it the cut or the casting, but either way, it bums out my bum.

Actually I'll probably be putting my feelings about Oak into words very shortly and unfortunately they won't be of the nice variety. They have the worst merchandising I've ever seen in the Bond Street store and their buys are boring as fuck.

Frankly I think this whole oversize blazer trend makes everyone except for supermodels look like they raided their mom's old closet stash.

Maybe I lack refinement but to me it looked like Chloe's Spring 2010 collection was gearing up for "Chicos kind of day."